The Final Update

Wow! I haven't posted in months and have debated deleting this blog on a number of occasions. In fact, I was in the middle to doing just that when the comments made me rethink that decision. Since I first started this blog, almost a year ago, I've been dealing with and trying to work through what I thought was silence. In the process, I've learned that it is much more than silence. Over the years, I have nearly perfected the craft of making myself virtually invisible. The urge to delete my web space was just one example but I realize that I've done this in almost all aspects of my real life - work, school, relationships, etc. At nearly 28 years of age, I've realized that I can no longer live this way but I've also discovered that it doesn't work. Just like my silence is sound, my attempt at invisibility stands out. It's time for something new. I've learned that people are going to think, say, and assume things about me. Period. So I may as well be me, let my thoughts be heard and my actions seen. It's time that I live out loud and in living color. So from here on out, you can find me here - Loud & In Living Color. My goal is to share something, however small, daily. (We'll see how that goes.) So if you've read or commented here, check out my new space periodically.

Before I go, I will give you a quick update on my "28 by 28."

First, I realized that I may have taken on too many things at once. However, it has taught me a little bit about how I handle things. After my apartment was broken into and I moved in with mom, I went into autopilot, only doing what was necessary - work, internship - to graduate and hitting the gym. Everything else kinda took a back seat. I've noticed the same type of pattern as I look for jobs and wait to here back from companies. I almost freeze or press pause on my life. So I'm trying not to do that. I've reevaluated the list because I only have 2 and a half months before my deadline. Here goes:

28 by 28

1. Complete my MEd program. DONE! with distinction and accomplished my 4.0 goal!
2. Pass the National Counselor Exam. - I will take the exam as soon as I can but I'm waiting on the state to review my application again.
3. Lose 20lbs more and keep it off. This is the hardest thing I've had to do. I haven't lost any more lately and actually gained a lot (to me). I'm back watching how I eat though. This has taught me how my emotions are tied to eating. I'm much more aware than I was. Even when I decide to gorge on chicken nachos or a ridiculous mix from Cold Stone, I know why. One day I'll actually stop myself. Next goal?
4. Maintain a workout regimen. When I'm not in freeze mode, I actually do this but when I'm in freeze mode I can go weeks without seeing a gym.
5. Try meditation. Haven't done this seriously. I was in the middle of setting up a space in my home when I had to move. Haven't gotten back to it yet.
6. Visit Canada. Um, I don't think this is going to happen. I realized that I had already been to Canada to see Niagara Falls when I visited Cornflake Girl. My only reason for going was to have been to all the countries in North America. So, I may make it or I may not. No biggie.
7. Apply/Be prepared to apply to doctoral programs. - Reevaluating... - I'm not ready yet. I want to work in my field for a bit. And decide what I want to do. Plus with the economy, funding is uncertain. So we will see.
8. Participate in an AIDS Walk/Run. Got a flyer to train for the marathon or a half-marathon. Don't think I'm ready. I don't run, outside! So, I actually signed up for the Chicago AIDS Walk/Run months ago. Then I decided that I wanted to move to DC. So I haven't solicited funds because I was hoping that I would have made the move by then - October 3. There is one in DC on the same day. Either way, I hope to run in one of them. Yes, I said run. Still haven't run outside yet. I will decide which one after I hear back from the last job interview that I had. Then I will hit you up for donations! :)
9. Color my hair. I cut it! - Not gonna color it. I loved the look but not the dryness and damage from the last time I colored it. It's so short now and my main goal is longer, stronger curls. So no color. For now.
10.Travel outside of North America. Done. See pictures. Thanks Kismet. Probably wouldn't have done it without you.
11. Take a dance class or 3. I took salsa and bellydancing classes. I've been putting off more pending the move.
12. Perfect 28 new dishes. I don't really know what is going on with this. I've tried a lot of new dishes with the vegan thing and dieting. I'm loving cooking more beans and vegetables. I'm not counting. Just learning to cook better food and make better eating choices.
13. Create a professional website. - Actually working on it. Will launch within the next week or so. I need more professional looking pictures. Pre-club photos don't really match the look I'm going for. LOL.
14. Go to a play, museum or something artistic once a month. - Did I mention I put my life on pause a few times? I'm trying. Hit up a museum or two and a concert the last two months. Trying to keep it going.
15. Complete an art class. I haven't done this either with the potential move. As soon as that's settled, I'll take one but I'll settle for a one-day workshop or something.
16. Create a vision board. I finally did it. It took more time than I thought and turned out a lot different than I thought. I will post a pic on the new blog.
17. Skydive. - I still haven't done this. When I bring it up, folks say they'll go with me. So, I keep debating whether to get a group together or just go randomly by myself. Plus it's a nice chunk of change when I don't have any income but I'll do it by the deadline.
18. Call 1 friend per week. Um, yeah. This so hasn't happened consistently. Don't even know how I still have friends.
19. Take tennis lessons. I don't think I want to learn to play tennis. It was just an idea and I think it was linked to someone else who played and the fact that there were courts at my old gym. If I learn great, if I don't I'll live. I've been thinking about racquetball since they have courts at my new gym.
20. Volunteer for the hotline at least once a month. So haven't done this. Will do better.
21. Learn to swim. Haven't done this either. I do want to learn.
22. Teach myself sign language. I haven't done this either. My niece has taught me a few colors though. :) Love that little lady.
23. Attend one social event per month. (Thanks T.) Haven't paid attention but I think I have.
24. Dedicate one day per month to myself. (Thanks BL.) Somehow, someway, I've done this often, usually unintentionally.
25. Read half the books on my reading list. Um, yeah no. There is a TV in my bedroom at mom's house. So distracting and all of those books are packed away in the basement. Trying to make a dent in it though. Got a couple of them from the library.
26. Write a blog post at least once every two weeks. Clearly, this one was a wash. Gonna do better.
27. Treat myself to a makeover - hair, makeup, wardrobe. Um, I think I kinda did this. Might get some professional input soon. When I get some income, that is.
28. Create and stick to a realistic monthly budget. So haven't done this.
29. Study, read, blog, etc. in a public place at least once every two weeks. Um. Some weeks are better than others and what the hell type of goal is this away? Oh, I remember. I don't get stuff done at home.
30. Learn to let people go. This will always be a process. Think I'm getting better with it but I need to be more direct about it.

Growth is a continuous process. Hope you join me in my next phase.

Guess Who's Back...

in more ways than one.

So, I finally decided to sit down at the macbook and give the people (spiderlgs and b.) what they want - a blog post from yours truly. I don't know how long it will last but I'm back on the blogosphere, if only for one night.

What I'm really excited to share with all of you is that the old me is back, physically. As you know, I've been trying to lose weight and recently I've seen some very strong validation that it's working. I'll share with you the two experiences that almost brought tears to my eyes.

On August 7, 2008, b. and I received assessments at the gym. Here were my stats.

Weight: 173lbs
BMI: 30.64 (Obese Class I)
Body Fat: 37.2%

On May 7, 2009, I had another assessment at my new gym. Here are those stats.

Weight: 153.5 lbs
BMI: 27.20 (Overweight)
Body Fat: 32.3%

Do you see what I see? I lost almost 20lbs, decreased my BMI by more than 3 points and my body fat by nearly 5%. It doesn't look like that much progress in 9 months but the empowering thing is that I did it on my own. I changed my diet and worked out, however inconsistently, and I finally saw a difference. I've been thinking about losing weight for a while but I finally made it a priority and made it happen. This brings me to my second moment....

So, am I the only girl who buys clothes a little bit too small, thinking that she'll lose weight? (Based on all of the clothes in my closet with the price tag still on them, I've been doing this for years so either tell me I'm not alone or tell me why you let me waste my damn money... ) I digress.

In preparation for my trip to the outlet mall in the morning for new clothes and a suit to start my job search, I decided to try on a suit I bought 2-3 years ago. It was on a serious sale and just a little bit too tight when I bought it. Of course I thought that I would lose weight but the suit just got tighter and tighter until I didn't even bother trying it on any more. Tonight, it fit perfectly! So, I kept going - trying on skirts, dresses, pants, etc that I bought just a little bit too snug. Some were the perfect fit and others were even too big! So yes, I was damn near in tears.

I am so proud of the work that I have done so far. I am even more excited about my decision to invest in personal training because it is an investment in myself. If I can make this much progress by myself, then there is no telling how far I can go with someone to push me further than I would ever go on my own. I still have some work do. I haven't decided on my final but I'm definitely going to keep it up.

I may not be where I want to be but thank God I'm not where I was...

Aix en Provence, France: Reflections

As it states, I wrote this one while sitting in the airport on the way to Madrid.



I’m sitting in the Marseille Airport thinking about the time I spent in Aix en Provence and trying to take my mind off the overnight layover that I have ahead of me in Madrid (another post). I am happy with my trip and grateful for the time away from home. There a few things that I thought I wanted to do that made less sense once I got here like travel to Paris for a day or two or have “authentic” French cuisine. However, the trip was just what I needed when I needed it.
Here are some brief highlights:

• I climbed a hill everyday, most days, more than once. This was my unplanned workout for the trip.
• I also climbed bigger hill/mountain to see Mount Sainte Victoire. The view was amazing. It reminded me of hiking in Kenya and climbing the ruins of Mexico. Only thing time, I wasn’t with a group of students, at least one professor, and a guide. It was just me and my friend. We did it alone. In hindsight, it was a little scary only because no one except a couple of Frenchman knew we were even headed up there. While one was very nice to us before and after our climb, I doubt he would have sent a search party after the silly American girls.
• I shopped. Only a little and only the most inexpensive things. Shopping for real here could have put me in some real debt.
• I learned that the American dollar is a joke to the Euro. I definitely missed those Kenyan and Mexican exchange rates.
• I met people from Guyana, Canada, and Chile. I learned a lot more about patience and multicultural perspectives in a much different way than I did on my other trips abroad.
• I ate. A lot. I ate a lot of white (French) bread, something I almost never do and it was great. I ate a lot of cheese. I had pizza, pasta, sandwiches, and on my last night, I had salmon. I kept my 30-day pledge to be vegetarian! Even if I didn’t quite make the vegan part.
• I read a lot. I finished Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man on the plane (more on that in a another post). I also finished a book for my book club and read the relevant pieces to The 4-Day Diet. I had a lot of time to just reflect on how each of the books related to my life and I’m ready to make some important changes. It’s interesting that the diet book was the most informative and made me think a lot about the choices that I make.
• I saw the coolest museum exhibit ever at Museè Granet on Picasso and Cezanne. It was interactive and exciting to people my age and much older and I couldn’t help but think how much kids would love it. I need to hit up a few museums when I get home.
• I people-watched and people watched, or should I say stared, at me. The people of France are interesting. I was intrigued by their fashions and sense of style, the way they sit in cafes for hours, how the kids hang out and laugh. However, what I’m most curious about is how they see me and how race and place works in their society. We often wondered aloud if the looks were from curiosity about our dress, hair, language or if it was simply a case of good ol’ French racism. I’m hoping my friend can find out more in her time there.
• I was challenged to travel more. The overnight thing in Madrid was an oversight on my part while booking the flight but it has lead to a real desire to see more of the world. I’ve always wanted to travel the world but never really thought about doing it on my own or with a friend. This trip has ignited that fire.
• I chilled hard. I sat in cafes checking email and playing around the on internet between looking for jobs. I took naps, slept in, and was simply at peace. Something that often seems so elusive at home. Changes in environment are great for me whether it is across the ocean, the country, or just across state lines.

I may write more once I get home but these are just my thoughts for now.

Tater Tots, Hashbrowns, and Frites…

This post was written on my third day in France. Thankfully and surprisingly, I didn't gain any weight.

So, I said I would try the vegan diet for 30 days. However, that was shortened to 23 days due to my trip to France. I must say that I did quite well right up until the second leg of my flight when they served croissants for breakfast. Thank heavens for the option on priceline to select a vegetarian/dairy-free meal. Otherwise, I would have been like the vegetarian girl sitting next me picking over her chicken meal to get to the rice and veggies. I’ve been here for two full days and I have yet to eat any meat. I don’t know if I can go back to it. I’ve had plenty of cheese and I’ll be damned if I haven’t eaten an entire baguette (think loaf of French bread not a roll) each day. This is definitely not good for the weight loss plan. I may be starting all over at 173 lbs when I get home. No worries, though I will have read the 4-Diet cover to cover by the time my plane touches down at O’Hare and I’ll start my Induction phase as soon as I can hit a grocery store. But anyway, here’s how the diet went prior to the trip…
Things started off well. A trip to Trader Joe’s and Hyde Park Produce got me off to a good start. I made a bunch of new dishes such as vegan veggie pizza, pasta with Italian “sausage,” veggie taco salad mix, and cooked zucchini and baked cookies from scratch for the first time. In addition to home cooked meals, I picked up pre-packed Soul Vegetarian East meals to make it through my longs days and dined out at Karyn’s Cooked Comfort Gourmet, and found a new love for cucumber rolls. So as long as I was cooking or controlling where I was eating, things went relatively well. If I had a craving for something, I stopped by Whole Foods to see if I could find a vegan alternative. I now have enjoy dark chocolate, LARA Bars, which happen to also be raw, Newman O’s and Purely Decadent soy ice cream.
However, there were a few times when this was a little harder. I finally hit up Salsa Sunday’s at the Cubby Bear with a friend. Something told me to eat before I left but I was lazy and ended up running late. I don’t know what I expected to be on the menu but the only thing that I could eat was tater tots, French fries or a salad. Who really wants to pay all of that money for a bunch of lettuce and tomato and I wasn’t sure they had vegan dressing. So, if you know me, you know I opted for tater tots. No, I don’t care if I look like a 5-year old at the bar. It’s not everyday a girl gets tater tots. I also went out to dinner with my vegetarian friend. I let her pick the restaurant before I told her I was a vegan (for now) and ended up at Uncommon Ground, an earth friendly restaurant, only to find very few vegan OR vegetarian options. I went for the veggie burger and sweet potato fries. It was the most un-burger-like thing I’ve ever eaten. You could still see the veggies in it. I ate it though I wasn’t entirely sure it was vegan. Food life was relatively uneventful until the weekend before my trip. Due to a family emergency, my 14-year old twin cousins were staying with me. I told them up front about what I had at home in the refrigerator and they quickly opted for fast food ALL weekend. So, I had Wendy’s, HAROLD’S, McDonald’s Breakfast, and Panda Express type Chinese food including orange chicken all in my apt for the first time in at least 3 weeks. I was definitely struggling but maintained my cool and ate wholesome vegan dishes while the kids ate heart attacks on a plate. That was until Sunday morning. I was in such a rush that I neglected to eat a wholesome vegan breakfast and the kids wanted McDonald’s breakfast AGAIN so I had them pick me up a hashbrown. I know, the worst possible thing I could have eaten. Now I’m in France and I think the only vegan thing to eat here are frites (French fries). Can some I please get some HEALTHY and fast vegan options?