The Final Update

Wow! I haven't posted in months and have debated deleting this blog on a number of occasions. In fact, I was in the middle to doing just that when the comments made me rethink that decision. Since I first started this blog, almost a year ago, I've been dealing with and trying to work through what I thought was silence. In the process, I've learned that it is much more than silence. Over the years, I have nearly perfected the craft of making myself virtually invisible. The urge to delete my web space was just one example but I realize that I've done this in almost all aspects of my real life - work, school, relationships, etc. At nearly 28 years of age, I've realized that I can no longer live this way but I've also discovered that it doesn't work. Just like my silence is sound, my attempt at invisibility stands out. It's time for something new. I've learned that people are going to think, say, and assume things about me. Period. So I may as well be me, let my thoughts be heard and my actions seen. It's time that I live out loud and in living color. So from here on out, you can find me here - Loud & In Living Color. My goal is to share something, however small, daily. (We'll see how that goes.) So if you've read or commented here, check out my new space periodically.

Before I go, I will give you a quick update on my "28 by 28."

First, I realized that I may have taken on too many things at once. However, it has taught me a little bit about how I handle things. After my apartment was broken into and I moved in with mom, I went into autopilot, only doing what was necessary - work, internship - to graduate and hitting the gym. Everything else kinda took a back seat. I've noticed the same type of pattern as I look for jobs and wait to here back from companies. I almost freeze or press pause on my life. So I'm trying not to do that. I've reevaluated the list because I only have 2 and a half months before my deadline. Here goes:

28 by 28

1. Complete my MEd program. DONE! with distinction and accomplished my 4.0 goal!
2. Pass the National Counselor Exam. - I will take the exam as soon as I can but I'm waiting on the state to review my application again.
3. Lose 20lbs more and keep it off. This is the hardest thing I've had to do. I haven't lost any more lately and actually gained a lot (to me). I'm back watching how I eat though. This has taught me how my emotions are tied to eating. I'm much more aware than I was. Even when I decide to gorge on chicken nachos or a ridiculous mix from Cold Stone, I know why. One day I'll actually stop myself. Next goal?
4. Maintain a workout regimen. When I'm not in freeze mode, I actually do this but when I'm in freeze mode I can go weeks without seeing a gym.
5. Try meditation. Haven't done this seriously. I was in the middle of setting up a space in my home when I had to move. Haven't gotten back to it yet.
6. Visit Canada. Um, I don't think this is going to happen. I realized that I had already been to Canada to see Niagara Falls when I visited Cornflake Girl. My only reason for going was to have been to all the countries in North America. So, I may make it or I may not. No biggie.
7. Apply/Be prepared to apply to doctoral programs. - Reevaluating... - I'm not ready yet. I want to work in my field for a bit. And decide what I want to do. Plus with the economy, funding is uncertain. So we will see.
8. Participate in an AIDS Walk/Run. Got a flyer to train for the marathon or a half-marathon. Don't think I'm ready. I don't run, outside! So, I actually signed up for the Chicago AIDS Walk/Run months ago. Then I decided that I wanted to move to DC. So I haven't solicited funds because I was hoping that I would have made the move by then - October 3. There is one in DC on the same day. Either way, I hope to run in one of them. Yes, I said run. Still haven't run outside yet. I will decide which one after I hear back from the last job interview that I had. Then I will hit you up for donations! :)
9. Color my hair. I cut it! - Not gonna color it. I loved the look but not the dryness and damage from the last time I colored it. It's so short now and my main goal is longer, stronger curls. So no color. For now.
10.Travel outside of North America. Done. See pictures. Thanks Kismet. Probably wouldn't have done it without you.
11. Take a dance class or 3. I took salsa and bellydancing classes. I've been putting off more pending the move.
12. Perfect 28 new dishes. I don't really know what is going on with this. I've tried a lot of new dishes with the vegan thing and dieting. I'm loving cooking more beans and vegetables. I'm not counting. Just learning to cook better food and make better eating choices.
13. Create a professional website. - Actually working on it. Will launch within the next week or so. I need more professional looking pictures. Pre-club photos don't really match the look I'm going for. LOL.
14. Go to a play, museum or something artistic once a month. - Did I mention I put my life on pause a few times? I'm trying. Hit up a museum or two and a concert the last two months. Trying to keep it going.
15. Complete an art class. I haven't done this either with the potential move. As soon as that's settled, I'll take one but I'll settle for a one-day workshop or something.
16. Create a vision board. I finally did it. It took more time than I thought and turned out a lot different than I thought. I will post a pic on the new blog.
17. Skydive. - I still haven't done this. When I bring it up, folks say they'll go with me. So, I keep debating whether to get a group together or just go randomly by myself. Plus it's a nice chunk of change when I don't have any income but I'll do it by the deadline.
18. Call 1 friend per week. Um, yeah. This so hasn't happened consistently. Don't even know how I still have friends.
19. Take tennis lessons. I don't think I want to learn to play tennis. It was just an idea and I think it was linked to someone else who played and the fact that there were courts at my old gym. If I learn great, if I don't I'll live. I've been thinking about racquetball since they have courts at my new gym.
20. Volunteer for the hotline at least once a month. So haven't done this. Will do better.
21. Learn to swim. Haven't done this either. I do want to learn.
22. Teach myself sign language. I haven't done this either. My niece has taught me a few colors though. :) Love that little lady.
23. Attend one social event per month. (Thanks T.) Haven't paid attention but I think I have.
24. Dedicate one day per month to myself. (Thanks BL.) Somehow, someway, I've done this often, usually unintentionally.
25. Read half the books on my reading list. Um, yeah no. There is a TV in my bedroom at mom's house. So distracting and all of those books are packed away in the basement. Trying to make a dent in it though. Got a couple of them from the library.
26. Write a blog post at least once every two weeks. Clearly, this one was a wash. Gonna do better.
27. Treat myself to a makeover - hair, makeup, wardrobe. Um, I think I kinda did this. Might get some professional input soon. When I get some income, that is.
28. Create and stick to a realistic monthly budget. So haven't done this.
29. Study, read, blog, etc. in a public place at least once every two weeks. Um. Some weeks are better than others and what the hell type of goal is this away? Oh, I remember. I don't get stuff done at home.
30. Learn to let people go. This will always be a process. Think I'm getting better with it but I need to be more direct about it.

Growth is a continuous process. Hope you join me in my next phase.

28 by 28: 3 Month Review

So, it's been 3 months since I started this list. I'm so glad that I did. I'm proud to say that I have made some progress. When I have a little bit of free time, I usually check in and look at the list, see where I'm making progress and where I need to get started. Just having a visual reminder and knowing that those closest to me have seen this list are motivation enough for me to tackle just one more thing. Here's the update on what I've been able to accomplish over the last two months.

1&2. I'm still ticking away hours and assignments towards my degree and my licensure exam. In a week, I will be done with the quarter and have one more quarter left until graduation. However, beyond the hours, I'm really enjoying the work that I do with my clients. I do it for free (and the degree). I get up early every morning and fight traffic not knowing whether I'm going to have a breakthrough with a client, get cursed out by one, or both. For the most part, I don't complain and I rarely think about not going or needing a break from them. They challenge me, keep me on my toes, and keep me wondering what I can do differently and better tomorrow. Now if I could only find a way to get paid for what I'd do for free.
3&4. See the last post - update on that one coming soon. I'm struggling with the workout regimen. My schedule is crazy. My new plan is to go in the mornings before my internship. I'll keep you all posted.
9. I cut my hair! It looks about the same in the front but the back is pretty short. The straight pieces are still there. I'm still debating how long to keep them. I think I could rock a pretty fly cut with the new growth. I'm waiting until spring or summer to color it. boogie will be my inspiration.
10. I'm going to France! to visit Kismet. I should arrive there two weeks from today. I'm going to try my best to learn a little French. I'm so bad with languages.
11. I completed two sessions of bellydancing and intro to salsa classes. I'm signing up for this month too. I went to Salsa Sundays and realized I have a lot more to learn.
12. I was definitely slacking on the new dishes but this vegan thing has me back in the kitchen. I made my first batch of cookies from scratch and they were vegan. They tasted a lot like my favorite box of cookies from Gran Lux Cafe, even if they were a little darker (molasses). I'm excited to cook my own food and make my own juice (bought a juicer). We'll see if I make it to 28 though. Might have to adjust that number.
14. I went to a play in January and February. I have to do better at planning though. For February, I realized it was the end of the month and the last weekend of the play. I needed to go so I ended up going by myself. It was great and I really wish my friends had been able to go with me. I'll try to do better but I did what I was supposed to do. Can't be too worried about other folks.

That's enough for now. Partly, because I'm tired and partly because I just haven't done much else. Until next time...

Skinny Bitch?

I started the following draft in The Common Room about a month ago:

No, I have not turned into Monique! However, my friend may have created a monster just as bad with her very thoughtful Christmas gifts. One was a PostSecret book and if you don't know about PostSecret, you should. The other was a recipe book called Skinny Bitch in the Kitch: Kick-Ass Recipes for Hungry Girls Who Want to Stop Cooking Crap (and Start Looking Hot!). This description describes me to a T and appeals to my potty mouth so I see exactly why she picked this one up. So with categories like Bitchin' Breakfasts, PMS (Pissy Mood Snacks) and Down Home Cookin', I was excited to start cooking. Then, I started looking at the recipes. I saw a whole lot of soy, tofu and recipes with meats in quotation marks. Then I realized I was looking at a vegan cookbook. Now this same friend is always commenting on my "healthy" eating choices - no soda in fridge, my organic lactose free milk, my organic tortilla chips, fresh fruit in my water - but a vegan, I am not. I have toyed with the idea more than a few times but I'm still eating my chicken and turkey and drinking my lactose free organic milk. However, I thought that this gift just might help me make the adjustment. Then I realized that this recipe book is a follow-up book to Skinny Bitch, a book encouraging women to change their lifestyles. So I went out and bought Skinny Bitch too.

At that point, I was afraid to read the book. I talked to The Maven about it on Christmas Eve, wanted some BBG feedback on the vegetarian/vegan thing, and really wanted someone to read the book along with me, but I never got around to finishing the draft... Well over the last month, my weight has basically hit a plateau and I've been losing and gaining the same 2 pounds every other week. Then, it hit me. I never really changed what I was eating. I ate smaller portions and added healthy snacks to my diet but I basically ate the same stuff I always ate. I just stopped pigging out on it. That and almost daily exercise helped me to lose the first 20 pounds but it wasn't working any more. I decided it might be a good time to make some changes to my diet. Immediately. Monday night I requested the Fat Smash Diet and The 4-Day Diet from the library. Tuesday morning I realized I didn't want to wait on the library and ordered the books for myself. When the books didn't arrive quickly enough, I started reading Skinny Bitch on Thursday night. By Friday afternoon (after my breakfast/lunch), I was pretty sure I'd never look at a chicken wing or a slice of turkey bacon the same way. Saturday afternoon I was planning vegan meals and hitting Trader Joe's reading all of the labels. I now have soy cheese and milk, tofurkey, and tempeh in my fridge. I am channeling my inner Skinny Bitch, eating whole grains and veggies, and trying to give up animal products. I'm not sure how long it will last but I'm excited to eat better and take better care of myself from the inside out. I'm taking the Pledge to Be Veg for 30 Days! And we'll see what happens. Anyone wanna join me? Do you have pointers on making the transition easier?

28 by 28: Month 1 in Review

In an attempt to hold myself accountable for my to-do list, I've decided to blog about my progress at the end of each month. Here are a few that are relevant:

1. I didn't graduate yet but I did complete my practicum, putting me one quarter closer to graduation. My G.P.A is still intact. Two quarters to go...

3/4. Oooooh. So I was maintaining my weight loss but not making much progress. I caught a really bad cold the day after my birthday and just made it back to the gym on Monday for the first time since December 3rd. Over my break, I gained a few (3-7) pounds. I have managed to get that under control. I just need to figure out a realistic way to make it to the gym when my schedule gets crazy next week. I've toyed with the idea of putting my weight on here and having a monthly weigh-in. Don't know if I'm ready for that yet.

5. I bought a book and video on meditation thanks to a shopping spree in Borders. I have a vision for a meditation space in my bedroom but I haven't set it up yet.

11. I've looked into several dance classes. However, due to my crazy schedule it won't work out this quarter. I did buy a dance workout video, yet to be opened.

12. I started on this one before the first of the month. I made lasagna and chicken chili. Beyond that I haven't made too much progress. I looked at several cook books, bought a few, and received one as a gift (which deserves a post of it's own).

14. I went to the Chicago Cultural Center yesterday to check out a couple of exhibits - a photo exhibit of Chicago landmarks and a celebration of the centennial for Lane Tech High School. This was kind of a cop-out. I was determined to see a play at the Goodman but was thwarted when I realized that they didn't offer a matinee and the play was 3 hours long not including intermission. It was a bit much for a Sunday night and of course I waited til the last minute. I need to create a calendar for the next season, at least. I might post it. If you're in Chicago, join me.

18. I did not call one friend per week. I don't really think I called anyone unless it was returning a call. I called Kis to make plans for us to get together but I don't know if that counts. I need to do better on this one. I also just randomly don't answer my phone sometimes, even if I'm not doing anything. It annoys me when people interrupt my nothingness. I'll try to do better with this also.

19. I haven't signed up for tennis lessons due to my crazy schedule. I'm also debating whether I really want to do this or if I just decided to do it because someone else liked to play.

20. I have not volunteered for the hotline. I feel bad since I am going to a training, thanks to them, next month. However, most of the shifts would have been off site and if you've tried to call me, you know my phone acts extra crazy. Can't have that while on duty.

23. Does going out for New Year's count?

24. I don't know if I've done this on purpose but I've definitely had a few leave me the hell alone days.

I think that is all that makes sense to comment on right now i.e. I haven't made any progress on the rest of the list. I am a work in progress. Bear with me.

I noticed last night how bad my procrastination really is. I had a mystery shop report to complete that should have taken no more than 2 hours. However, I started it at 9pm last night and finished it at 8:30am this morning. Unacceptable for a few check boxes and a one-page narrative. I have to figure out how to get over this procrastination thing, especially if I plan on getting another degree. I need to put this into a measurable too. Any suggestions?