What's a Girl to Do?

I'm resisting the urge to cuss out my bff on the blogosphere as I sit on her couch typing this post. One of my 28 by 28 is to blog at least once every two weeks. This space tends to be my more personal reflection space and The Common Room is where I share random thoughts, but like b., I'm not posting there until the rest of the homies get back from "break". So, I post when I feel the need and have the time to reflect. b., on the other hand, started a trend by posting everyday. I'm just trying to keep her from disappointing her readers. However, I'm willing to step up to her challenge.*

I know I've only been back from a 2-week break for less than two days but I'm emotionally exhausted already. Here are some random thoughts that are weighing on me. As usual, I can't get it together enough to write about one thing...

• Remember about a month ago when I was debating contacting a couple of folks? Well, I did. And they responded but I still haven't seen them yet. I guess the ball is in my court again but I don't really feel like taking it. I care about them both immensely but y'all know that saying about making someone a priority when you are their option. Clearly, I haven't been a priority for them over the last month and anything I handle right now would have to be a priority... Friendship shouldn't be this hard.
• I miss The Common Room - both the real world one and the webspace. Ladies, where are y'all. I need some laughs and love. I kinda wish I was using my plane tickets to DC to camp out on someone's couch. I can't wait til April.
  
• I'm tired of ignorant ass men - The ones who want to come into my home after knowing me for less than 24 hours, the ones who say shit like "come get me," "drop me off at the train," and "so that's what you on?," and the ones who do shit like this. It makes me wonder, do I have a sign on my head that says I'll go for their bullshit and who are the women who fall for this craziness?
• Have you ever worked with someone that you thought was less qualified than you? I don't mean without the degree that you have but someone that just doesn't know anything. Well, all I'm saying is 6 months. Pray for my patience and humility.
• I would love for my phone to ring because someone just wants to talk to me and see how I'm doing. I'm busy. I can't run an errand for you, walk you through setting up your computer, or entertain you in any kind of way. But I can tell you how my day went, I can tell you what makes me happy and what I'm struggling with. I think I've been taking care of myself and everyone else for so long that no one expects me to need anything. Wrong. Somewhere along the road, I must have thought it was my duty to take care of others at the expense of myself. Hell, I've paid thousands of dollars for a license to do just that - listen to and help other people solve their problems and not share mine (with them). I love what I do, but I be damned if I'm gonna keep doing it in my personal life.
  

So, what's a girl to do when she feels the weight of the world on her shoulders...

I called my bff, grabbed a bottle of wine, and comfy pajamas and went to sit on her couch. and share with you. I'm learning. As Kismet would say, self-care is essential.

BadBlackGirls, we will be chilling with a bottle in a few months but until then, get your butts back to campus and in The Common Room!

28 by 28: Month 1 in Review

In an attempt to hold myself accountable for my to-do list, I've decided to blog about my progress at the end of each month. Here are a few that are relevant:

1. I didn't graduate yet but I did complete my practicum, putting me one quarter closer to graduation. My G.P.A is still intact. Two quarters to go...

3/4. Oooooh. So I was maintaining my weight loss but not making much progress. I caught a really bad cold the day after my birthday and just made it back to the gym on Monday for the first time since December 3rd. Over my break, I gained a few (3-7) pounds. I have managed to get that under control. I just need to figure out a realistic way to make it to the gym when my schedule gets crazy next week. I've toyed with the idea of putting my weight on here and having a monthly weigh-in. Don't know if I'm ready for that yet.

5. I bought a book and video on meditation thanks to a shopping spree in Borders. I have a vision for a meditation space in my bedroom but I haven't set it up yet.

11. I've looked into several dance classes. However, due to my crazy schedule it won't work out this quarter. I did buy a dance workout video, yet to be opened.

12. I started on this one before the first of the month. I made lasagna and chicken chili. Beyond that I haven't made too much progress. I looked at several cook books, bought a few, and received one as a gift (which deserves a post of it's own).

14. I went to the Chicago Cultural Center yesterday to check out a couple of exhibits - a photo exhibit of Chicago landmarks and a celebration of the centennial for Lane Tech High School. This was kind of a cop-out. I was determined to see a play at the Goodman but was thwarted when I realized that they didn't offer a matinee and the play was 3 hours long not including intermission. It was a bit much for a Sunday night and of course I waited til the last minute. I need to create a calendar for the next season, at least. I might post it. If you're in Chicago, join me.

18. I did not call one friend per week. I don't really think I called anyone unless it was returning a call. I called Kis to make plans for us to get together but I don't know if that counts. I need to do better on this one. I also just randomly don't answer my phone sometimes, even if I'm not doing anything. It annoys me when people interrupt my nothingness. I'll try to do better with this also.

19. I haven't signed up for tennis lessons due to my crazy schedule. I'm also debating whether I really want to do this or if I just decided to do it because someone else liked to play.

20. I have not volunteered for the hotline. I feel bad since I am going to a training, thanks to them, next month. However, most of the shifts would have been off site and if you've tried to call me, you know my phone acts extra crazy. Can't have that while on duty.

23. Does going out for New Year's count?

24. I don't know if I've done this on purpose but I've definitely had a few leave me the hell alone days.

I think that is all that makes sense to comment on right now i.e. I haven't made any progress on the rest of the list. I am a work in progress. Bear with me.

I noticed last night how bad my procrastination really is. I had a mystery shop report to complete that should have taken no more than 2 hours. However, I started it at 9pm last night and finished it at 8:30am this morning. Unacceptable for a few check boxes and a one-page narrative. I have to figure out how to get over this procrastination thing, especially if I plan on getting another degree. I need to put this into a measurable too. Any suggestions?

World AIDS Day 2008: Memories, Reflections

December 1 is my birthday and for the last 20 years it has also been World AIDS Day. Somehow, I didn't realize that this was the 20th anniversary. Knowing this has caused me to stop and reflect on my understanding of the disease and how it has evolved over the years.
Please bear with me as my thoughts aren't the clearest but it's important for me to share this today.

My earliest memories of HIV/AIDS came from my family. My grandmother is a nurse and worked in the "AIDS ward" at the county hospital. As evidenced by the AIDS ward, this was a time when people knew very little about the disease. Many of my grandmother's patients, mostly gay men, had been disowned by their families due to fear and misinformation about the disease. My grandmother not only provided them with quality nursing care, she also took it upon herself to provide them with a sense of family. She developed relationships with some of her patients, invited them to her home and into our family. However, they were not always welcomed. I can remember one of my uncles saying something about not using the same dishes as a particular young man. This man also began coming to church with us thanks to my grandmother's influence. At some point, he decided to get baptized. I remember clearly the pastor stepping into the baptismal pool with rubber boots and rubber pants. If I recall correctly, he was the only person baptized that day. I remember thinking that both my pastor and my uncle were dumb. My grandmother fought on and eventually opened a non-profit org that provided housing for people living with HIV/AIDS.

I also remember reading about Rae Lewis Thornton and hearing her speak at my mother's graduation from nursing school in 1995. She changed how I saw the disease and her story would forever remain with me.

As I grew older, I'm sure I heard a lot about HIV/AIDS from the media. Who remembers listening to and watching Love Line in high school? As much as my mom didn't want me listening to or watching this show, I found it to be a great resource for information. It definitely helped me to make more informed decisions.

In college, I attended events and seminars and workshops on HIV/AIDS and safe sex. I attended discussions about the down low and the effect of HIV/AIDS on black women. I talked to my friends about it but somehow it seemed like it didn't affect us.

I can't remember when or how I found out but one of my uncles was diagnosed with HIV. In the summer of 2005, I watched my grandmother take care of him the way she had done for so many others. She tried everything she knew how and anything that anyone could think of. I watched my father take care of him in ways I'd never seen him look after anyone. I almost thought this was enough to change my father's life. Despite their best efforts and all the prayers that I'm sure were offered in his behalf, he succumbed to the disease. After that, it became a little more real for me.

I took my first HIV test because I thought my uncle would want me to, not because I thought it could really happen to me. I began getting regular STI and HIV tests because that's what adults do. I must say that I still didn't think it could happen to me. That is until right before I went into that room to take the test. This was before rapid testing. So from the time I went into that room til 2-3 weeks later when I could come back to get the results, I wondered if it could happen to me. Then, I went right back into the nah, not me mode until next time.

In 2006, I took a job in health care. I began working with people who were living with the disease. Some people had given up and resigned themselvea to remaining at a long-term care facility. Others were motivated to return to their homes or live with family and friends. I watched as some people cared for them as my grandmother had her patients. I advocated for them when others acted as if we were still in the age of misinformation.

In reflecting upon my academic career, I have also conducted a lot of research on HIV/AIDS. I have learned a lot about the disease but what stands out the most is the changing face of the disease. The women, most of whom look like me, and children who are being infected saddens me the most. It has been more than 20 years but the message has not spread to everyone.

I think it is time I start to do my part to make sure the message gets to more people. Today, my 27th birthday, I finally took a stand. I didn't do anything major. I'm posting this blog, posted testing information on my facebook status and I went to be tested. Yes, that 20 minutes was just as nervewrecking as those 2-3 weeks. This time though, I think I grew a little. I made a decision to be tested in my community though I was up north earlier today. As I looked around a room full of people who looked like me, I knew that someone would test positive. Because of that, I could not breathe a sigh of relief. In that moment, I challenged myself to do more. I've wanted to do more for a long time. So, I'm hoping that BL was right when she said that 27 is the age when you come into your own and become the adult you know you need to be. I need this to be true for me and if today is any indication, it will be.

I'll leave you with some photos from today's event.






X-Posted in The Common Room.

World AIDS Day 2008

My birthday is also World AIDS Day. For years, I've thought about doing something for the cause on my birthday but for whatever reason, I haven't. There are so many reasons why this cause is important to me. Today, I will take a small step which will hopefully lead to much larger ones in the future. Here are some videos and resources with information on HIV/AIDS prevention, transmission and testing.








Find an HIV Testing Site near you.

World AIDS Day: http://www.worldaidscampaign.org/
AIDS.gov: http://aids.gov/
AIDS.gov Blog: http://blog.aids.gov/
Alliance Library System: http://www.alliancelibrarysystem.com/
Alliance Virtual Library: http://infoisland.org/
Health Info Island Blog: http://healthinfoisland.blogspot.com/
Info Island Blog: http://infoisland.org/
National Library of Medicine: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/
Sexual Health Sim in SL: http://sl-sexualhealth.org.uk/
Metaverse Messenger (article): http://www.metaversemessenger.com/
pdf/2008/10/MM20081014.pdf