I am quite possibly the happiest that I've ever been. Over the last year and a half or so, I have been reflecting on many areas of my life. I saw "issues" that I have always had - insecurities, unbalanced relationships and friendships, unrealistic expectations from family members, unhealthy eating habits and half-hearted attempts at fitness - to name a few. I slowly began to recognize patterns and work on most of these things. It hasn't been easy, by any means. However, I have made lots of progress and it feels good. It's good to know that I can set and achieve goals for myself that have nothing to do with school or work. It's great to finally realize that things don't always have to be as they are. I have reached out to people in ways that I never have before and pulled away from others. I have looked at my diet and made a commitment to my personal health. Sometimes, I slip up but I don't beat myself up, or give up the fight completely, as I may have in the past. Also, I realized that everything, including happiness, takes work. It is not eternal.
The past two weekends, I've received phone calls that rocked my foundation and instantly took me to a place of fear, loneliness, and isolation. I hid away from my new support system and sought old comforts until I realized that I needed everything I learned over the past year and a half get through this. Returning to old patterns and "safe" relationships would just make a tough time harder. I remembered how I felt before the phone calls - proud of myself for all that I had accomplished and looking forward to exceeding more goals - and I knew I couldn't get there with my old ways.
It was at that moment that I realized and accepted that I am a work in progress. Happiness is not an endpoint or a constant state of being. It takes work. I have made a commitment to myself to keep moving forward and to stay focused on my goals.
The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mode of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up. ~Charles L. Morgan
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4 comments:
::happyy::
im happy for your new internet space, a space where you can name yourself instead of being named--
im happy for your last year of finding peace--
im happy that you are taking hold of the inner strength and presence that those who love you have always seen and understood. not as a Superwoman but just as Celi.
love u!
I am definitely feeling you on this one. I feel like this is the same space I am in right now... I feel like you wrote everything I was going through. def cool
i am stealing most of this post for my bathroom mirror...you are beginning to take it over; you just made a spot for yourself there last week!
i, like sister kismet, am very happy for you and your refreshed sense of happiness and self.
love you more than words (mostly 'cause i suck at using them).
Thanks for the love ladies. It's good to know that I am not alone in my journey and I'm even happier that you can relate to my words. Now the problem is keeping them flowing.
kismet, you have to teach me what all those colons mean in the blogosphere.
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