I May as Well be 15...

So it's pretty clear that I just turned 27 but I might as well be 15 when it comes to dating. I haven't ever really dated. (The other night my girl told me that I am dating my friend, I just don't know it yet. Just because we go out to dinner every other month or so doesn't mean we're dating. Right?) Trust me, I am clueless when it comes to guys and what to do to show my interest. I know all the tips from the books, TV shows, and web articles but when it comes to putting it into action I am extra shy. I'm that girl who looks away immediately when eye contact is made and who can't think of a thing to say in a conversation. Did I mention I never call anybody, even my closest friends? So the new guy definitely doesn't get a call (ever) without a serious pep talk from my girls. So ladies I'm going to need some help getting it together.

Here's an example of one of my most recent mishaps to help you provide better advice.

Last Friday, I ran into a guy who b. swears "wants my body" after not seeing him for a month and a half. (I don't believe her but I think the guy is cool and I like talking to him.) So, we were in the same place. I saw him, but I didn't think he saw me. I continued doing what I was doing, hoping he would come over and talk to me but every time he walked past (from a distance), I was too nervous to look at him. So, I pretended to do something like adjust my ipod or take a sip of water. He disappeared for a while and I finished up what I was doing and prepared to leave. Then, I walked right into him. I said "hi" and he asked how I'd been. As I was taking a drink of water, I spilled water all down my chin. Embarrassed, I responded with my hand over my mouth. He mocked my jumbled and muffled attempt at conversation. So I laughed it off, took out my ear phones and repeated myself. We made brief small talk and I left. So, yes I kind of recovered but I was definitely embarrassed for a second. I even laughed at myself for being giggly like a little school girl and, I admit, it felt good. But what now? What do I do the next time I see him or another guy that piques my interest?

If only it could be this simple again...

Waiting on Your World to Change...

Waiting On The World To Change - John Mayer

Two weeks ago, I attended a 30-hour training related to working with children who have been sexually assaulted or abused. Tough stuff to listen to but crucial in my work. During the last hour, all I could think about was getting into my car in the -25º weather and fumbling with my ipod apparatus to play "Waiting on the World to Change." I can't explain why I wanted to hear that song but listening to it, I thought "our world is about to change but what will really change about this issue?" I could also vividly remember leaving class on the Thursday before election day and saying goodnight to the professor. He said "see you next week" and I said "you know, the world will be a different place the next time I see you." He replied "let's hope so." This past Tuesday, January 20, 2009, the world has, in fact, changed. Not only was President Barack Obama sworn in, he has already made strides on the economy and eliminating the use of torture. While President Obama stated that his administration would be one of change, he also called upon each of us to work towards the change we want to see.

So now that we are no longer waiting on the world to change, what are we waiting for? What am I waiting on to call to schedule a shift at the hotline or to start mentoring or adult literacy tutoring again? Somehow, I feel like I am waiting on my world to change. I tell myself I'm waiting to graduate, to not work 12-hour days, to have more time. The truth is that my life won't get any less busy after I graduate and I have time to do those things now. So, I need to stop waiting on my world to change to change the world.

What are you doing to change the world? If the answer is "nothing," What are you waiting on?

Losing Momentum...

I started this post last Saturday. If I remember correctly, I was in some kind of mood last Saturday - not feeling like going to gym or to my book club meeting and loving the way my couch felt. I hadn't worked out at all the week prior except maybe a failed attempt to do an exercise video at home and my dance classes.

This week, I have mixed emotions. I'm feeling good. I made it to the gym today and yesterday and worked up a sweat in my dance classes last night. However, when I woke up this morning I was 2 pounds heavier than I was last week. There are a number of reasons for the weight gain - bloating, water weight, and my indulgence in all of the chocolate, cheese, and dulce de leche Hӓagen-Daz that I wanted. I'm a little sad about the 2 pounds but not discouraged. I have a plan for the week and I'm steadily ticking things off the list. I went to a play for the month on Sunday, went to happy hour with some friends last Friday, and caught up with a good friend last night. So while I haven't lost any weight, I am no longer losing momentum...

Keeping the Momentum Going

Last night, I started belly dancing and salsa classes. They were perfect. The belly dancing class was small enough for me not feel too awkward messing up turns and isolations. The salsa class was small and had just the right number of rhythmless men to disguise my lack of coordination. I'm excited to go back and I might even check out salsa night at few clubs to practice in between. Lé Empress, next time we go salsa dancing, I will dance.

The next thing on my list that I'm going to tackle is my weight. I've decided to go ahead and post my weight weekly.* (Thanks Spiderlgs for letting me know that it's not that hard or that bad.) Just posting weekly won't help me lose a pound, so I've decided to create a weekly workout goal and schedule. My goal is to workout 4 times per week. The schedule part is tricky. I'll figure it out and post it here. I'm trying to figure out how to motivate myself to go to the gym even when I don't have 2 hours to spend there and how to do my workout videos at home without stopping after 5 minutes. I'll try later this afternoon. This morning, my average weight was 159lbs. I am officially back at my pre-holiday weight. Now I just have to keep taking the pounds off. My goal weight is 140lbs. However, I will reevaluate this as I get closer to it.

Also, I really want to take a trip. Preferrably some place warm, so visiting Canada is not a goal that I'm willing to tackle right now (unless someone knows of a quaint little inexpensive, yet beautiful, town that isn't as cold as Chicago). I'm thinking of traveling alone and giving myself 3 days of R&R. Any ideas? Has anyone traveled alone before?

*The weekly weigh in can be found below my profile.

Making Progress

This week started off pretty stressful, but it's over. I love my 3-day weekends! I'm glad to say that I've made a little more progress on my 28 things. So here's an update and some info in case you're in Chicago and looking to take in a show or a dance class.

1. I dropped a class that I didn't need to take in order to free up some time and relieve some stress. I now have my Fridays and Saturdays free. I'm thinking of signing up for belly dancing and salsa classes here. If the weather is not horrendous, I'll start tomorrow.
2. I also found a social event at the same place - they are having a studio party and they even have Salsa Speed dating. I'll keep y'all posted on the party. Don't know about the speed dating. Maybe after I learn a few moves. Has anyone ever tried it? What do you think about it?
3. I called a friend. She didn't answer. Phew!
4. This is my second blog post this week, thanks to b. I have a couple more in mind.
5. I've decided to post my weight here, weekly, starting this Saturday. Hopefully, that will keep me in the gym and eating right.
6. I researched and created a list of plays that I want to see in the next few months. I'm posting it below in case you're in Chicago and want to check something out. Also, if you know of something, send me suggestions.

PLAYLIST

"FROM THE MISSISSIPPI DELTA"
Written by Dr. ENDESHA IDA MAE HOLLAND
November 20 – January 11, 2009
Directed by AUDREY MORGAN
Living in a time in a world that would deny a woman her most basic rights did not deter Dr. Endesha Ida Mae Holland as she journeys through her pain and gains the strength to appreciate herself as not only a woman but as an individual. Her story is an inspiration to all.
Showtimes: Thursday, Friday, Saturday at 8:00 P.M. & Sunday at 3:00 P.M. & 7:00 P.M.
Ticket Prices: General Admission $30 Students: $15
Location: eta Creative Arts
7558 S South Chicago Avenue
Chicago, IL 60619-264


“I STILL LOVE H.E.R.”
Produced by Wendell Tucker (WY Graduate)
January 8 – February 28, 2009
Theori Productions is proud to re-introduce its ground-breaking contribution to theatre,"I Still Love H.E.R. (A Tribute to HipHop)." "I Still Love H.E.R." takes viewers on an insightful tour down memory lane, while taking time to stop and see what conditions and events helped to create the cultural phenomena known as HipHop.
This sociological musical centers on Love 1, a revered Chicago on-air personality who is about to begin his final broadcast. In the midst of his farewell show, HipHop arrives to tell her story the way it really is. Through the dialogue that follows, Love 1 and his listeners are told the story of Hip-Hop through her own words. Social issues such as feminism, parenting, racism, capitalist media domination and violence in the HipHop community are examined throughout the show, with relevant HipHop classics as the backdrop. By the end of his broadcast Love 1 reconciles his love affair with his culture and realizes that he must "always take time to listen to the soundtrack of his life".
Showtimes: Thursday & Friday – 8:00 P.M. , Saturday - 3:00 P.M. & 8:00 P.M., Sunday - 3:00 P.M.
Ticket Prices: $10
Location: CCPA's "WestTown Studio Theater"
777 N Green St
(1 block west of Halsted, just off Chicago Avenue)
Chicago, IL 60622
Phone: (312) 733-6000


“STAGE BLACK”
Written by Lydia R. Diamond
Directed by Mignon McPherson Nance
January 16 – March 1, 2009
Today critically acclaimed and nationally produced playwright Lydia R. Diamond is known for The Bluest Eye, Stick Fly, Voyeurs de Venus, and the recent Harriet Jacobs. Back in 1998, MPAACT had the honor of producing her play The Inside.
In Stage Black a well-respected but under-produced African-American playwright, attempts to write the "perfect producible black play". As the writer attempts to script the black play that falls within the comfort zones of white and black audiences, her subconscious leaps to the fore and her characters rebel. The rest... well, you'll just have to see it to believe it.
Show Times: Thursdays and Fridays – 8:30pm, Saturdays – 7:30pm, Sunday – 3:30pm
Ticket Prices: $16
Location: The Greenhouse Theatre
2257 N. Lincoln Ave.
Chicago, IL 60614
BOX OFFICE: 773-40-GREEN (404-7336)
Love of Heritage and Tradition


"TALKING BONES"
Written by SHAY YOUNGBLOOD
January 29 – March 22, 2009
Directed by RUNAKO JAHI
With a desire to lead a normal life, Bay-Bay ignores the wisdom and spiritual yearnings of her steeped-in-African-tradition mother, Ruth, by refusing to be a vessel to connect with the ancestors. Ruth is ready to join the ancestors but who will take her place?
Showtimes: Thursday, Friday, Saturday at 8:00 P.M. & Sunday at 3:00 P.M. & 7:00 P.M.
Ticket Prices: General Admission $30 Students: $15
Location: eta Creative Arts
7558 S South Chicago Avenue
Chicago, IL 60619-264


SAINT JAMES INFIRMARY
By: Brian Tucker
Directed by: Harry Lennix
Dates: March 19, 2009 – April 12, 2009
Previews: March 12–14
Featuring Ensemble Member: TaRon Patton
A bluesy noir that examines the soul-less inhabitants of a world dominated by gamblers, thieves, and women of the night. Borrowing from the mythic tales of dealing with the devil, the play follows what takes place when the purchaser of lost souls comes to collect.
Location: Center for the Performing Arts
777 N. Green
Box Office: (312) 733-6000

What's a Girl to Do?

I'm resisting the urge to cuss out my bff on the blogosphere as I sit on her couch typing this post. One of my 28 by 28 is to blog at least once every two weeks. This space tends to be my more personal reflection space and The Common Room is where I share random thoughts, but like b., I'm not posting there until the rest of the homies get back from "break". So, I post when I feel the need and have the time to reflect. b., on the other hand, started a trend by posting everyday. I'm just trying to keep her from disappointing her readers. However, I'm willing to step up to her challenge.*

I know I've only been back from a 2-week break for less than two days but I'm emotionally exhausted already. Here are some random thoughts that are weighing on me. As usual, I can't get it together enough to write about one thing...

• Remember about a month ago when I was debating contacting a couple of folks? Well, I did. And they responded but I still haven't seen them yet. I guess the ball is in my court again but I don't really feel like taking it. I care about them both immensely but y'all know that saying about making someone a priority when you are their option. Clearly, I haven't been a priority for them over the last month and anything I handle right now would have to be a priority... Friendship shouldn't be this hard.
• I miss The Common Room - both the real world one and the webspace. Ladies, where are y'all. I need some laughs and love. I kinda wish I was using my plane tickets to DC to camp out on someone's couch. I can't wait til April.
  
• I'm tired of ignorant ass men - The ones who want to come into my home after knowing me for less than 24 hours, the ones who say shit like "come get me," "drop me off at the train," and "so that's what you on?," and the ones who do shit like this. It makes me wonder, do I have a sign on my head that says I'll go for their bullshit and who are the women who fall for this craziness?
• Have you ever worked with someone that you thought was less qualified than you? I don't mean without the degree that you have but someone that just doesn't know anything. Well, all I'm saying is 6 months. Pray for my patience and humility.
• I would love for my phone to ring because someone just wants to talk to me and see how I'm doing. I'm busy. I can't run an errand for you, walk you through setting up your computer, or entertain you in any kind of way. But I can tell you how my day went, I can tell you what makes me happy and what I'm struggling with. I think I've been taking care of myself and everyone else for so long that no one expects me to need anything. Wrong. Somewhere along the road, I must have thought it was my duty to take care of others at the expense of myself. Hell, I've paid thousands of dollars for a license to do just that - listen to and help other people solve their problems and not share mine (with them). I love what I do, but I be damned if I'm gonna keep doing it in my personal life.
  

So, what's a girl to do when she feels the weight of the world on her shoulders...

I called my bff, grabbed a bottle of wine, and comfy pajamas and went to sit on her couch. and share with you. I'm learning. As Kismet would say, self-care is essential.

BadBlackGirls, we will be chilling with a bottle in a few months but until then, get your butts back to campus and in The Common Room!